If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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