I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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