remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
