Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
