I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
