i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
