We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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