I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it glows. i had to have it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
