Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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