mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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