if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
