mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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