I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
