k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
