Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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