I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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