We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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