dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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