like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize