That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
