OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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