I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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