i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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