Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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