and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
