I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
