Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She even gives head with a lisp.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
