and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
