I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
