I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
