it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think people are normalizing furries
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
