Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
