she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
did you just send me my own nude
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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