My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
