You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
