so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
