I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
