Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
