So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
