in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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