the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
