you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
