Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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