I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
