fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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