guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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