He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
