i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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