His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
