Say something about gay babies.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
