Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
