Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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