Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
