Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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