I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize