..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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