In the future we'll all be gay
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
