I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
